I will do my Best not to...!

I Rather NOT!

About a week and half ago you will never guess what I found out! That cute little precious baby was not a mistake but planned! Can you say a million daggers to the heart! Not the regular let's fuck with out a condom and if you get pregnant we are keeping it type of plan. Oh NOOOO! The going to the doctors having sex on a certain day, time and temperature type of plan. Finding an old Jamaican women to give a tonic for fertilty type of plan! I was enjoying my thoughts of him getting stuck with his baby's mother not by choice. I RATHER NOT have known! That was uneccessary information. But you know what....(sigh)

I digress...

Karma does have a way of getting people back. Unfortunately he is stuck with a physcho. I rememeber him apologizing to me. I did forgive him for breaking my heart. I'm just glad that I can be an ear for him to speak to. I would only be able to with stand him if I had truly found forgiveness and I am happy to say I really have.

But dont get it twisted I certainly did not forget!

A wow moment!

Just after my last post I get a text message asking if I want to see him? Him who? His baby... Can you say the cutest baby in the world! Wow a baby can brighten a person's mood with just a gurgle! Soooo fricking adorable! And to see him with his son and how much love he has for that little boy is amazing! He told me he cried after finally seeing his son after a month of separation. His mother is vindictive. Why do women always put their children in the middle? That is very unfair to the child...I will not ruin my happy moment by getting into that. Man oh man WOW!

Tears of Sadness

This a little poem I wrote about 4 years ago and I needed an outlet...It helped A LOT. It's not the same situation but it reminded me of a time when I needed to write.

Why won't these tears of sadness fall from my eyes? Trapped inside wanting to fall the hurt of a broken heart, trying to burst free but locked with no key.

Why won't these tears of sadness fall from my eyes? Held by the thought of losing ground and into the darkness beneath, containing the rage within hoping the pain will end.

Why won't these tears of sadness fall from my eyes? Kept on the edge of hope that someday soon, these tears of sadness will no longer be but tears of joy flowing freely.

Come Back...

Wow its been awhile since I have written. I even lost the 2 followers that I did have....Oh well. Feeling the need to have an outlet. So I'm coming back! Hopefully I can be consistent.

Roller Coasters

(Sigh!)
I seem to be doing that alot these days. I cant seem to make up my mind on what emotion I will have for the day.
Its a roller coaster...

*starts to sing* (Emotional Roller Coaster by Vivian Green)

~Im on an emotional roller coaster
~Loving you aint nothing healthy
~Loving you was never good for me
~But I cant get off...

I think too much and I reminesce way too often about my ex. I still find myself smiling when I think about the good times. Is that wrong? I still sometimes wonder what would have happened if I fought or if he made an attempt not to just throw my heart against the wall and watch it break in a million pieces. Its been too long since the breakup, I must get over it. Move on. I cant say I havent tried, but its kind of hard to find someone these days. Especially when you have realized your value and raised you standards. I refuse to settle for anything! *nods with firmness* I guess thats why im still single. Oh well, good things come to those who wait, but dammit.

Wait, wait, wait.

That was the love roller coaster...
Now let us jump on the stabilty coaster. I am in school for nursing. *pats self on back* I tend to surprise myself on how smart I really am. But I still get scared about whether or not I will finish my schooling and get my license. I have periods of determination and hope, which end with doubt. (hence the roller coaster analogy) I dont think I'll be able to make it on my own in the real world.

Is that pathetic? I think so.

Will I be able to have a real career? Maybe not.

Maybe I should take it one step at a time, day by day, and hour by hour. Writing this is depressing I need to think more happy thoughts. Hmmmm....like getting an orgasm!! :-D

Amazement!

Today I found out that my ex boyfriend just had a baby! I found out through facebook. He was born sometime in January. Can you say shocked? We broke up 13months ago! The reason being he wanted to sow his royal oats...And I guessed he planted a seed.

Why do I care you guys werent togther u ask? Well if you are told you dont want to be in a relationship at all with anyone then find out 3-4 months later they have a girlfriend you start to question yourself. So now I know the real reason.

Did I forget to mention that we had sex while he was in this so called relationship? Well we did. I even asked him if his girl wasnt servicing him properly. Typical answer "You do it better." Real answer she is pregnant. (Now that I know the real reason)

But you know what I have no hard feelings I am happy for him. I even went as far has to tell him congrats and also told him his son is adorable.

The surprises that life can bring you are plentiful!