Question?

Forgiveness can easily be given....but it takes time to forget. Does that mean you really haven't forgiven?

Rude or Blunt?

Sigh....I have been known to be rude. But in actuality I am blunt. I speak the truth but I guess sometimes too harshly, which is often confused with rudeness.

Why must I sensor my words to spare your feelings? Would you rather me lie? But then I would be known as a liar. I am not a liar. Let me rephrase that because everyone lies. I only really tell white lies...example "why were u late?..." my reply "I overslept." Or something close to that. My memory for particular things is not sharp so I rather not remember a lie that I told only months later to have it rear its ugly head.

You are probably wondering what brought on this rant after months of not writing. Well his name is X. I just received a call from him asking if we could hang out. I told him that I have plans already. He asked what they were and I told him that I was going to my cousins 23rd bday party. He then asked if he could come. I told him no. Who the hell invites themselves to things that dont call for a self invitation. He then proceeds to badger me about why cant he come...Grrrrr!! Nigga who are you!??( I didnt say it out loud now that would be rude) He then tells me I should know him better than that and he would never have shown up. I don't get it then why the 3rd degree?

I tell him I dont know you better than that. You come in and out my life sporadically. (Probably thinking you will get a chance to taste these goodies again....umm not happening) I know certain facts but I dont know YOU. He is shocked by my statement but its the truth! He then asks how long have I known you I said off and on for 6 or 7 years and between that probably 2 years of no contact. Even at that we have had brief conversations. So NO I dont know you! As a matter of fact you dont really know ME! He feels offended and he decides that it was time for him to get off the phone. (BYE!)

See I wasnt rude! I just told him the truth about the type of relationship he thinks we have! Grrr! I can show you whats rude! But you see Im not a rude person just blunt and Im sorry if your feelings get hurt by the truth....but maybe I should make amends I might need him in the future he is a lawyer....

I will do my Best not to...!

I Rather NOT!

About a week and half ago you will never guess what I found out! That cute little precious baby was not a mistake but planned! Can you say a million daggers to the heart! Not the regular let's fuck with out a condom and if you get pregnant we are keeping it type of plan. Oh NOOOO! The going to the doctors having sex on a certain day, time and temperature type of plan. Finding an old Jamaican women to give a tonic for fertilty type of plan! I was enjoying my thoughts of him getting stuck with his baby's mother not by choice. I RATHER NOT have known! That was uneccessary information. But you know what....(sigh)

I digress...

Karma does have a way of getting people back. Unfortunately he is stuck with a physcho. I rememeber him apologizing to me. I did forgive him for breaking my heart. I'm just glad that I can be an ear for him to speak to. I would only be able to with stand him if I had truly found forgiveness and I am happy to say I really have.

But dont get it twisted I certainly did not forget!

A wow moment!

Just after my last post I get a text message asking if I want to see him? Him who? His baby... Can you say the cutest baby in the world! Wow a baby can brighten a person's mood with just a gurgle! Soooo fricking adorable! And to see him with his son and how much love he has for that little boy is amazing! He told me he cried after finally seeing his son after a month of separation. His mother is vindictive. Why do women always put their children in the middle? That is very unfair to the child...I will not ruin my happy moment by getting into that. Man oh man WOW!

Tears of Sadness

This a little poem I wrote about 4 years ago and I needed an outlet...It helped A LOT. It's not the same situation but it reminded me of a time when I needed to write.

Why won't these tears of sadness fall from my eyes? Trapped inside wanting to fall the hurt of a broken heart, trying to burst free but locked with no key.

Why won't these tears of sadness fall from my eyes? Held by the thought of losing ground and into the darkness beneath, containing the rage within hoping the pain will end.

Why won't these tears of sadness fall from my eyes? Kept on the edge of hope that someday soon, these tears of sadness will no longer be but tears of joy flowing freely.

Come Back...

Wow its been awhile since I have written. I even lost the 2 followers that I did have....Oh well. Feeling the need to have an outlet. So I'm coming back! Hopefully I can be consistent.